


Adoration

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Arguing, Crying, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Married Couple, Minor Original Character(s), Self-Esteem Issues, like literally not even there just talked about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-26 00:23:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14988731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Are you coming to bed?” He asks, and he sounds moments away from dozing off.Adrienne looks back down at her book, “In a minute.” She says quietly.





	Adoration

“Adrienne.” 

She looks up from her book; she’s sitting on the couch in the living room, her legs tucked underneath her, reading. The only light on is the lamp next to her and the kitchen light, which makes the room dim and casts strange shadows. Lafayette is standing in the junction of the living room and the hallway. His eyes are tired, but they’re looking at her with love.

“Are you coming to bed?” He asks, and he sounds moments away from dozing off.

Adrienne looks back down at her book, “In a minute.” She says quietly.

“My love, it’s after midnight.” Laf says.

She doesn’t look back up at him, so he walks forward into the living room to stand over her from behind the couch. He reaches out and runs his hands through her long hair, scratching her scalp lightly. She hums, but otherwise doesn’t respond. He sighs happily, “Adrienne, my light - ”

“Oh, my God.” Adrienne mutters in French, clearly annoyed; Laf takes his hands out of her hair and she turns around to look at him, shutting her book without even bothering to mark the place, “Stop calling me those ridiculous pet names.” She says.

Laf frowns at her, “What?”

“They’re  _ ridiculous _ , Gilbert!” Adrienne exclaims, “And you don’t even mean them.”

“Of course I mean them.” Lafayette says defensively.

She gives him a look, and he continues, “What, Adrienne? Do you think that I don’t adore you?”

“I think you love me.” Adrienne says, “But you don’t adore me.”

Lafayette tries to protest but she cuts him off, “Gilbert, don’t argue with me! They’re completely preformative!”

“Performative!?” Laf asks, shocked, “You - you think the  _ entire time  _ I have been calling you loving things it’s been  _ performative?!” _

Adrienne gives him another look, this one more intense than the last, “Gilbert.” She says, “ _ My light, my reason for being, love of my life,  _ who the fuck says those things?”

“I do!” Laf exclaims, “I say those things! About  _ you!  _ They’re declarations of love!”

Adrienne rolls her eyes, “Gilbert, people do not make declarations of love, you say those things because it gets us both in the mood.”

“I call you those things because those are what you are to me.” Laf argues, “Why the sudden issue with my adoration of you?”

“You don’t  _ adore  _ me!” Adrienne snaps, at which Lafayette looks shocked, “People don’t  _ adore  _ each other! No one is the light of anyone’s life! No one is someone else’s reason for being!”

Laf stares at her for a moment, surprised by what she’s saying, “That’s not true.” He finally manages, “You are those things to me.”

Adrienne rolls her eyes and stands up from the couch, turning away from him and walking towards the hallway, “They’re fucking performative.”

“They’re  _ not  _ performative.” Laf insists, choked up.

“Oh, I’m sure!” Adrienne snaps.

“Adrienne!” Laf says, his voice cracking. He clears his throat and turns the lamp off and follows her down the hallway, “Adrienne,” he pleads, “Adrienne, why would you ever say something like that?”

“Because it’s true!” She says.

“It is  _ not  _ true.” Laf says, “How in God’s name did you ever come up with such an idea? Of  _ course  _ I adore you, Adrienne, I’ve been telling you that since our first date.”

“You do not  _ adore _ me.” Adrienne says, turning around to face him, “You made yourself think that when I was twenty and hot.”

Laf stares at her, then looks over his shoulder, then looks back at her, “Is this a joke?” He asks, genuinely confused, “Adrienne, you  _ are _ hot.”

She gives him the same look she’s been giving him, clearly frustrated, “Gilbert, I’m forty-five.”

“Yeah?” Lafayette says, “And hot?”

Adrienne makes a frustrated noise and turns away from him, “You’re being so infuriating.”

“By finding my wife hot?!” Laf asks, “Adrienne,  _ please  _ explain this to me, I’m  _ so  _ confused right now.”

Adrienne covers her face with one of her hands, and after a long moment, she says, “Heather and Robert are getting a divorce.”

She’s referring to the parents of a girl Georges went through elementary school with; both were very attractive and had been involved at the school from kindergarten through the kids senior year. Laf watches his wife for a moment, waiting for her to continue, but when she doesn’t he says, “Okay? I’m… very sorry to hear that? But what does that have to do with the argument we’re having right now?”

“Several things.” Adrienne snaps, “Remember when Georges was in kindergarten and Heather used to flirt with you and Robert used to flirt with me? And it was mostly a joke but there was still a hint of  _ I would if I wasn’t married?”  _

“There was?” Lafayette asks.

“Heather was still flirting with you when we saw her at Georges’ graduation.” Adrienne continues, “Robert has not flirted with me since Georges was in the eighth grade.”

“You’re upset because another man hasn’t flirted with you in four years?” Lafayette asks.

“I’m upset because Heather is  _ beautiful!”  _ Adrienne exclaims, turning back around to face him, “And, yes, she happens to be a bitch, but she’s probably less of a bitch to her husband than she’s ever been to me, but he’s still leaving her for a woman half her age.”

Laf looks at her for a moment, then says, “I still don’t understand what this has to do with our argument.”

“Heather still thinks  _ you’re  _ gorgeous!” Adrienne says, “But Robert doesn’t think  _ I’m  _ gorgeous which means  _ you’re  _ aging well and can still have basically whoever you want, but  _ I  _ can’t.”

“Why does it matter to you if a man who you aren’t married to, who cheats on his wife, doesn’t want you?” Laf asks slowly, “ _ I  _ want you, shouldn’t  _ I  _ matter to you more than Robert?”

Adrienne hesitates, then she says, “For how long?”

“What?” Laf asks.

“How long are you going to keep insisting you adore me just so you can get laid until a younger woman catches your eye?” Adrienne asks.

Lafayette is so stunned, for a moment he can’t speak; instead he stares at Adrienne with his mouth open. Finally, he says, “Okay,  _ first of all,  _ I do not have sex with you just so that  _ I  _ can get laid, you  _ know  _ sex is one of my favorite ways to tell you how much I love you. Second of all, why would you  _ ever  _ think I’m going to leave you?!”

“Robert is leaving Heather.” Adrienne says tightly.

“I am not Robert!” Lafayette argues, “Do not compare me to Robert! Robert is a fucking idiot! I never want to leave you! I didn’t marry you because you were beautiful, I married you because you make me  _ happy.  _ You  _ still  _ make me happy! I cannot  _ believe  _ you would think me so shallow as to only marry you for your looks.”

Adrienne rolls her eyes and turns away from him again, so he steps forward and gently grabs her wrist. She doesn’t protest, but she still doesn’t look at him. “Adrienne, the state of someone else’s marriage doesn’t affect ours, why are you acting like it does?”

“Because Heather is - ”

“Heather is mean.” Laf says definitely, “She’s  _ mean.  _ She’s never been nice to you, probably because you’re prettier than her and you didn’t marry a man who’s going to cheat on you and she did. I can’t imagine how nice she is to him if she can’t be nice to people she calls her friends.”

Adrienne is silent for a moment, then she says, “They’re not getting a divorce because she’s  _ mean.” _

“Adrienne - ”

“She’s  _ always  _ been mean. If he was leaving her because she was mean, he would’ve done that before he married her. He’s leaving her because she’s mean and she’s forty-five.”

“She’s aging bad  _ because _ she’s mean.” Laf says quietly, “You’re still gorgeous to me.”

She still won’t look at him, “For how long?”

“Since the day I met you until the day I die.” He assures her, lifting her hand up and kissing it.

She pulls her hand away again, “You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?” Laf asks.

“Being performative.” Adrienne tells him.

“I am not being performative.” Laf says, “There is no one here to watch us.”

“You’re only doing that to impress me.” Adrienne insist.

“I’m doing it because I love you.” Laf says, “I adore you, Adrienne, you make me the happiest man in the world.”

“I love the way you say my name.” She says suddenly.

“What?” Laf asks, surprised by the sudden statement.

“My name.” Adrienne says, “I love the way you say it. You always tell me how much you love it when I say your name, but I’ve never told you how much I love it when you say mine.”

Lafayette brushes her hair over her shoulder, then wraps his arms around her waist, placing a kiss on her neck. “My Adrienne.” he says lovingly.

She hums, leaning on him for a moment, then she opens her eyes and says, “Are you sniffing my hair?”

“I’ve literally been doing this for twenty five years, please stop asking.” Laf says.

Adrienne groans and rolls her eyes, but she doesn’t want to pull away from him. They stand there, swaying gently for a moment, until she reaches down and pushes his arms away from her. “I really don’t deserve you.” she says quietly.

“Why would you say that?” Lafayette asks lightly; she’s trying to get away from him again, but he grabs her gently by her wrist and pulls her back. She finally faces him again, and with the hair sniffing comment, he thought they were back to teasing, but her face is wet with tears.

Adrienne hardly ever lets Lafayette see her cry. 

He lets go of her wrist and reaches up to cup her face, to wipe the tears away, but she pushes his hands away and tells him no, so he rests them on her waist instead. She folds in on herself, crying, her skin blotchy and wet. He knows this is why she doesn’t like it when he sees her crying, because the faces and the sounds she makes are ugly, so to save her the embarrassment he wraps his arms around her and pulls her into a hug.

She melts into him, shaking while she cries, and she reaches up with one hand and grips the fabric of his shirt tightly, like she’s trying to make sure he’s not going to let go of her. 

“I adore you.” She chokes out, “I don’t say it enough. It’s not fair of me. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” Lafayette tells her.

“But it’s true.” She says, and he hates the way her voice sounds because it’s scratchy and miserable, “I never tell you. I tell you that I love you but I don’t tell you that I adore you. I adore you, Gilbert. Everything about you. The way you say my name and the way you hold my hand and the way you  _ care  _ about me like I’m the only thing worth caring about. I’m sorry I act like I have to keep you at arms length when all you keep trying to do is hold me. I’m sorry I can’t just let you hold me. I’m sorry I can’t stop acting like a bitch long enough to hold you back.”

“Adrienne.” Laf says softly.

“I adore you.” She repeats, her voice trembling, “You’re the light of my life. You’re my reason for being.”

“Adrienne.” Laf says again; he separates from her slightly, at which she whines. For a moment, she tries to hide her face, but he reaches up and tilts her chin up, forcing her to look at him. Her skin is blotchy, her cheeks wet; her nose and her eyes and her forehead are all scrunched up.

He kisses her on her wet cheek, and says, “I already know you adore me.”

“I’ve never told you.” She insists.

“Yes, you have.” Laf tells her, “You’ve never  _ said it,  _ but you’ve  _ showed me.” _

She shakes her head, “That’s not good enough.”

“You carried my son for me.” Lafayette says, “You let me get you pregnant and you hated every second of it and every moment you were in labor you were furious at me. You were cursing and yelling. You almost broke my hand. And you laid there in labor for thirteen hours and afterwards you still wouldn’t let go of my hand and you wouldn’t stop telling me you loved me. Adrienne, if you didn’t adore me, why would you have done that for me? For our family?”

Adrienne is still gripping his shirt like it’s the only thing keeping him from leaving her, “I should tell you more.” She says weakly.

“Adrienne.” Laf says gently, “I don’t mind hearing you  _ say it,  _ but you’ve already been telling me for years.”

She shakes her head again, clearly hesitating, before she says, “Please don’t leave me.”

“Why would I ever?” Laf asks, pulling her back into a hug and holding her tightly.


End file.
